DEALING WITH BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS (PT. 2)

This is the continuation of the article on dealing with broken relationships in the area of premarital relationships. In the part 1 of this article we made mention of three important steps - being real about the pain associated with the break-up, looking up to God, the Healer of broken heartedness and taking Good Care of yourself. In this article we will continue with four other steps.

a.   Engage in things that will make you laugh

It is said that laughter is one of life's best medicines; and in such circumstances of a broken relationship, it could be a great therapeutic tool for easing out tension. Take some time to engage in activities that make you laugh. Preferably, watch movies or videos that you find funny. Some of such videos could be found on social media; especially YouTube. 
 Taking up the recommended step may not necessarily provide a one stop to the emotional pain; but gradually; the body begins to see the brighter side of life; and with time you are positioned and empowered to move on with life, without such emotional entanglement having a permanent hold on you.

b.   Break Communication with your Ex.

One of the most important steps to moving past your breakup is cutting off all communication with your ex. Do not call, text, whatsapp or email the person. There is this statement that almost all the time follows break-ups; “we have broken up, but we can still be friends.” The question is what kind of friendship do such people refer to? In fact in the healing process, one may have to try as much as possible to cut out communication with the ex. Anything less than this may deepen the associated pain or hurt; and in so doing prolong the healing process. Some counsellors suggest that, one may give herself or himself a minimum of 90 days while he or she detaches emotionally from the person involved.

Breaking communication may also include removing anything that may easily remind you of the ex, such as pictures (in your phone gallery or on your album) or material gifts such as teddy bears, rings, watches etc. Removing them does not necessarily denote destroying them. However, where “ungodly” gifts such as under-wears or other sexually explicit materials are involved (such are allowed only in marital relationships), such should be destroyed out rightly. 

c.   Give yourself time to heal.

“The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost.” (Lindsey)

The healing process will take some time, but it will surely happen. In view of this be patient with yourself, and don’t blame yourself too much. Some people heal faster than others; and here ones temperament can play a key role here. Again, some people’s emotions go deeper than others; and this is mostly depended on how disciplined both were in the relationship. The more physical the two were, the deeper the emotions. (Read my article on the effects of pre-marital sex) The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. This therefore suggests that, avoiding physical intimacy such as intercourse in a relationship should be one of the hallmarks of any pre-marital relationships.

d.   Avoid Bitterness

Don’t give any room for bitterness against your ex. This will be counter-productive. Such has never helped anyone emotionally; and can never help. It rather prolongs the healing process. Nelson Mandela once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.” 

Conclusion

As the need of any single person may be – seeking love and seeking to be loved; one should also seek to build the capacity for the hurts and pains associated with the path of expressing and securing true love.  Someone has said, “anytime you open yourself up to love, you risk getting a broken heart.” If this is the case, then it is important, we avoid rushing into relationships; and as much as possible always have our boundaries in place; avoiding physical intimacy and any unnecessary commitment. Remember to always learn from your past mistakes.

Author: Benedict Eghan (Ps) 

Click to get the part 1 of this Article