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| Rev. Benedict Eghan |
Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed
psychologist in Denver, founder of the “Colorado Marriage Refresh” in his understanding
of the effects of pre-marital sex likened sex to a river. This is what he had
to say in his article “Sexual Boundaries”:
“Sex is like a river. Within the
banks of a river, the water can flow and be beautiful and passionate. However, if
the water runs over the banks, the same river can cause great damage, such as
destruction of trees, habitats, etc. Similarly, sex within marriage can be a
joyous, safe, and wonderful experience; however, sex outside of marriage can
cause great harm. Some of the obvious examples are sexually transmitted
diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and emotional wounds.”
In
this same article he said, when sex is permitted in dating relationships, “it often becomes the central focus,
severely stunting the healthy development of emotional, social, and spiritual
intimacy, which drastically reduces the possibility of creating a successful
long-term relationship.” This is what I call “missing out on the progressive ladder to maturity in relationships”.
So sad to know that, many rush into physical intimacy (sexual intimacy), before
they even start the process of knowing each other – thereby reducing what
should have been a sacred act into a mere recreational or biological act. What a sorry state of today’s world.
But
the Christian youth must not in anyway bow to the intense pressure to engage in
an act that will end up bringing pain and sorrow; an act that has the
propensity to derail our relationship with God. “Flee from sexual immorality. All
other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins
against his own body.” (1
Corinthians 6:18 NIV). In many of my “youth talks”, I have always stressed on the fact
that, the Christian youth should never take a decision or engage in anything at
the expense of his or her relationship with God. Though many of our brethren
have fallen victims, there is still hope; and that will be the focus on the
part four of this article.
As a continuation of my second article on pre-marital (pre-marital sex –
not a big deal? pt 2), I in this article seek to address three additional
implications that come with pre-marital sex or sex outside the confines of
marriage – physical, trust and spiritual implications.
Physical implications:
Here,
my focus is the vulnerability to Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) that
comes with pre-marital sex. This applies
to both sexes. However for a female teenager, it is said that since her reproductive
system is still immature, she is very susceptible to these STDs. Reading through Harvard School of Public
Health website (http://www.diseaseriskindex.harvard.edu/update/hccpquiz.pl%3Flang%3Denglish%26func%3Dshow%26quiz%3Dcervical%26page%3Drisk_list),
on “Disease Risk Index” (for Cervical cancer), I came by this very important
and alarming information. The site indicated that, “Women who have sex for the first time at an early age
have a higher risk of cervical cancer. This may be because human papillomavirus
(HPV) can more easily infect a young woman's cervix because the cells in the
cervix are still immature. HPV is an infection that can be sexually
transmitted, and some types of HPV can cause cells in the cervix to become
cancerous.” So
young ladies on the path towards marriage, can you be a little cautious?
Not forgetting abortions and its related complications; and the health effects
of extreme use of contraceptives. I have personally heard stories where the
womb of very young and promising High School Students had to be altered at
health facilities because of unsafe abortions they had earlier resorted to. As I said these dangers to STDs are also
applicable to the males. Again, the pressure and the emotional implications
that come with unplanned pregnancies are in many cases also applicable to the
male counterparts.
My
advice to young men: never be part of a lady’s painful or sad story.
Another
side of this is the extensive use of aphrodisiac by unmarried young men today
who are obsessed with sexual performance; leading to worrying complications at
their prime age in marriage.
Implications
on Trust:
Young
people who feel used or betrayed after the break-up of a sexual relationship
may experience difficulty trusting in future relationships. Again in many
instances couples who engage themselves in pre-marital sex often struggle with
trust after the relationship has progressed into marriage. I met a Christian
brother who told me how he and the wife had been battling with trust for ten
years in their marriage. All because according to him, prior to his conversion,
he had many girl friends and the wife he was married to, was one of the girl
friends. How sad! Do we have to go through all these? Pre-marital sex often lays a foundation of distrust and lack of respect
in marriage.
Implications
on our Spirituality:
Sexual
sin, like any other sin cuts us off from God, and this is the most serious
consequence of premarital sex. As we seek to gratify the desires of the flesh, we
grow spiritually weak and our relationship with God gradually gets destroyed.
Our testimony is interfered with and we lose our confidence.
After
one engaging in pre-marital sex, he or she is clouded with guilt that weighs
him or her down. What this means is that
our bodies, our hearts, our souls and eventually our relationships are not made
for premarital sex. We are made for enduring love; and such love is devoid of
sin as its foundation.
Continue
reading: Pre-Marital Sex – Not a Big Deal? Pt.4
By: Rev. Benedict Eghan
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