Dealing with a broken
relationship can be one of the most difficult things one may ever have to deal
with; and it is something no one wishes for. Fortunately or unfortunately, having
to deal with a broken relationship; be it pre-marital or marital has become a
reality as far as our love life is concerned. This article is limited to
handling broken relationships in pre-marital relationships.
While some may consider a
break-up in a pre-marital relationship as positive for them as a result of some
happenings in the relationship which they consider as unhealthy, others
consider it as a total emotional shutdown with the reason being that, they had
committed their entire life to keep the relationship. The unfortunate aspect of
this is that, in the attempt to deal with broken relationships, many have
either found themselves in worse situations or have found themselves doing the
unthinkable.
There is no doubt that broken
relationships can significantly leave one hurt, and such hurts can result into
complications such as emotional scars which when not well attended to can live with
a victim for life. However there are proven steps when considered in their
therapeutic sense can help deal with some of such implications associated with
broken relationships where one considers himself/herself dumped, cheated or
abused. This is to say that, though broken relationships can have significant
impact on an individual, healing is also possible. This article suggests some
meaningful steps for a healing process:
a. Be real
about the pain
It is important to note that, the ability to recognise or feel pain is
one of the characteristics that render us humans. Being real about the pains or the hurt you
may be going through is never a sign of weakness as some may see it to be, but rather
a means of expressing the fact that your emotional make-up has been tempered
with. This is to say that, should the pain warrant the need to cry, go ahead
and allow the tears to flow. This you may do it in your closet; or any safe
environment. Allowing tears to flow in such instances is one of the body’s ways
of getting rid of the pain and hurt.
Some people in the face of some societal
views (such as men don’t cry) run away from their hurts when in contrary they
should be embracing them. Some in running away from such hurts; unfortunately run into
drinking and engaging in other vices that end up complicating issues. The truth
is that, it is only when we feel our pain that we are able to honestly deal
with it and move on. However in your grieving, try as much as possible to devote less and less time each day to
grieving. You'll eventually find yourself thinking about the breakup less
often; and with time; you may get over it.
b. The God factor – the Healer of broken
heartedness
After you have been real to
yourself, the next important step is to go before God with your broken
heartedness. Jesus in His own commissioning statement quoted the prophetic word
of Isaiah in Luke 4:18 (kjv), “The Spirit
of the Lord is upon me, ...He
hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted...” In moments of difficulties it is important to
know that there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter
the situation we find ourselves. Being conscious about this truth is a critical
step for your healing process; this is because, when we have that foundation of
knowing that God loves us no matter the circumstances, we can have the strength
to face rejections from others. This is what the Bible says in Jeremiah 31:3; “The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with
an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” You may be rejected in a given relationship,
but God never rejects His own. Knowing this is a great comfort in the midst of
crisis. It is however important to note that, if in the relationship, you went
beyond the boundaries by engaging in sexual related activities, you will have
to repent and ask God for forgiveness, with the understanding and conviction
that being physically intimate in a pre-marital relationship is a sin. Purity
in pre-marital relationship is very key for the believer (1Corinthians
6:18-20). And remember to seek for His will and guidance in any future step.
c. Don’t overrun yourself physically – Take good
care of yourself
In making sure that the
incidence of a broken relationship does not take the best out of you, another
important area to look at is the need to consciously take good care of yourself;
and not allowing the incidence to take the best out of you. This may include
routine exercises and eating well. You may also want to look at your fashion
selection as a means to maintain your confidence. Many in such situations care
very little about their looks or their public image; and when such continues or
a long time can have negative physical impact on their bodies or public images.
For them; anything goes; they say to themselves, what is it to lose again – is
it worth it all – what did I really gain? Remember, it is never over; God still
has a beautiful plan for you.
Author: Benedict Eghan (Ps)
Wow. This is very insightful
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